It feels as though our lives were like a game of musical chairs. Wherever you were when the pandemic turned the music off, you had to figure out how to settle into that space, even if there was not a chair for you. For me, the music was turned off as I was in a professional transition in New York City. In March, I made my way home. Schools and institutions closed and my social work career was in limbo. I am grateful to have a place to stay, and acknowledge the privilege of not having significant financial worry during these times. While in quarantine, I have done a great deal of resting, reflecting and writing.
When shelter-in-place orders took effect, I ordered some short denim overalls, put a headwrap on and took on the task of cleaning the entire house. Every cabinet, closet, shelf, drawer (no more junk drawers!), nook and cranny dusted and cleaned out. I organized a 40-year-old CD collection, and finally sorted through my grandmother’s belongings three years after her passing. Pictures, love letters, vintage clothing, all discovered in the midst of cleaning. We made twelve trips to the local Goodwill donation center, and created an amazing workspace for my mom.
It was fulfilling to let go of so much stuff we didn’t know we were living with. And for me that is really symbolic of what now has provided the space for.
Right now, without brunch or distractions from work, I have been able take a look in the mirror. I see this time as an opportunity to rediscover so much of me I hid for one reason or another.
I journaled, stretched, meditated, colored, cried (a lot!), and became tenacious in
facing the internal things that used to scare me or got pushed to the side because I was busy.
Friends of mine will tell you that I always talk about self-work and how it is hard, but necessary work. Your relationship with yourself is critical because, as church mother wisdom says, “you are always going to be there.”
No matter where you go, who you are with, you will always be with you. This is especially critical to consider as we enter month six or seven of this pandemic.
Some things that you can do to build your relationship with yourself are:
- Asking yourself, “how are you doing?”
- Making space for reflection (journaling, meditating, or other practices are helpful).
- Getting to know your inner voice (including your inner child).
What right now means, for me, is taking the opportunity to explore internally as our call to live grows more important each day.
We must take care of ourselves in a way that gives us the flexibility to transform, to try and fail, and to not know.
I hope that this time can provide space for this work and that we can wholly, boldly and lovingly grab hold of ourselves.
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