On my phone, my mother’s name is Claire Huxtable. I truly believe that my mother and Claire are the same people. Both are working mothers. Both are black queens that dress impeccably well. Both have an everlasting love for their children as well as a spooky way of knowing when you’ve done something wrong.
I’m 25 years old and my mother can still sniff out a lie from over a phone call. It’s very weird.
But, as I’m typing this, my mother’s birthday is a few days away and she is turning the big 6-0. As the years pass, I know that our roles will start to switch. I even feel it happening now! When I hop on the phone with my mother, she asks me if I am finding time in my busy medical school schedule to eat well, exercise, moisturize my skin so my black don’t crack, and maybe have a little bit of fun in my 20s.
Now, I flip the switch.
I find myself asking my mother if she has gone on her walks. I also nag her about making sure she is getting enough sleep and checking in with her physician. Now, I will always be the daughter in this relationship.
But, there comes a time in this millennial life where you have to start looking after your mother as she looked after you. But, as we all know, our black mothers are often the pillars of our communities. They are the bosses and leaders, which means that if you approach her about her health, she will most definitely give you the side-eye.
“Why are you asking me so many questions, little girl?”
I’m pretty sure my mother said that to me last week. But, I press on….at the right times of course.
Congratulations Mom on your _______!
Did your mother just get a new job? Get a promotion? Start a new business? Enter retirement? New grandchild? (I can’t speak on that last one just yet). It is only natural that moments of transition trigger a moment of reflection for your mother. In this new chapter of her life, it is a perfect opportunity to check in with your mother to make sure that her physical and emotional health is in order to carry the responsibilities of her new role.
I’m so sorry for your loss, Mom.
Death is a part of life and it is more than likely that your mother (…and the whole family) will lose someone of significant in your circle. It is also more than likely that this death is health-related. During this tough time, it is important to support your mom but this also may serve as a time to bring up preventative measures for her moving forward.
Go, Mom! It’s ya birthday! It’s ya birthday!
Now, my personal favorite time to sneak in my questions about my mother’s health is when her birthday is approaching. My mother is big on birthdays and loves to set goals for her personal New Year (…the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree on that one). When the days start to creep towards her big day, I begin to ask her about what she would like to accomplish in her new year of life.
Want to guilt-trip your mama a little bit? You can also mention how grateful you are that she is around for another year and want to ensure that she enjoys many more birthdays. Now, Mom, when’s the last time you have been to the doctor? Boom.
How are some ways that you have tough conversations with your mother about her health?
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